Now, before you
assume I'm talking about a spiritual guru or something like that, keep reading.
(Not that I don't love spiritual gurus *grin*). Pollyanna Darling specializes in Creativity and Relationships...of all kinds.
She helps us achieve our goals and live the life we truly love.I had the opportunity to interview her for a spot on Ravencraft Romance Realm where she's giving away a copy of her book, The Relationship Revelation. With her permission, I'm able to offer you a chance to win the book too! And get to know her here!
Pollyanna Darling is passionate about love. She's also a writer, intuitive life coach and mother of four little boys! She wrote her new book The Relationship Revelation to provide simple, easy to understand, fun to read information to empower others to create the relationship of their dreams.
"Everyone has the capacity to create a relationship that lights up their life! It's just a matter of getting out of your own way, understanding yourself and keeping your focus on what you truly want."
Welcome to Charlene Blogs, Pollyanna. It’s great to have you here. Please tell us how you come to be a life coach?
I fell into it! I did a two year personal development training that included using intuition in a structure. Many people who did the training became coaches. All the way through I said "that's not for me". At the end of it all, a friend of mine who was very interested in what I had been learning asked me to coach her. I said yes, discovered that I loved it and everything grew from there!
What’s it like for you to find you’re able to help people realize their dreams?
It's amazing. What I love about it is that because I use intuitive processes to discover the truth, I get to experience both a person's dark side and their greatness. You can never have a limited view of someone once you've experienced the truth of who they really are. People are amazing creatures, each with their own flavour, vibration and passions. The magic that takes place when you are in service to someone's greatness is extraordinary and humbling. It has also taught me to be patient. Unfolding dreams takes time, action and commitment. We all want everything today (or perhaps tomorrow). Learning to be in the mystery and let the path unfold has really served me.
You specialize in two areas. Creativity and Relationships. As writers, we would all love to hear your take on both. Lol.
I have a slightly different view of creativity to the standard definition. We are all creators. We create every moment of our existence, that includes our relationships. Creativity is something that flows effortlessly once you get in touch with what truly matters to you. Everyone has a few things that truly, deeply matter to them. Not because they need it or get a high off it or get rich from it but because it matters to their heart. You know when you've found those things because they give you a deep sense of satisfaction with life and you are totally engaged when you do them. It may come with fame and money, it may not, that's not why you're in it. You're in it because you love it. For me those things are my relationship, my family, writing, the natural environment and putting my passions out there in the world.
As writers we all have those moments when our muse seems to be taking a vacation. Or we just don’t feel we’re achieving our potential. If one of us came to you looking for a way to tap into that creative power, what advice might you give?
The trouble with having an idea of a muse is that it's something outside of you, a separate entity that is powerful enough to either give you words or take them away! The muse is within. True creativity comes through you, not from you. The most useful thing you can do is ask yourself "what's in the way here? What am I thinking or feeling that is blocking me?" Acknowledge those thoughts or feelings, but do nothing about them. Let them hang out with you, but don't act on them. Then you can step into a circle of your creative self. Imagine stepping into the creative infinite being that you truly are and let something occur to you. Then just start writing it.
Our brains always tell us that things have to be this way or that way, or the story has to include X or Y and that it has to be 'good' or 'clever' and so on. The brain is most unhelpful in this way. Happily we have other resources to draw on. If you imaginatively step into a space where you are allowing the story or the writing to come through you, not from you, there is always, always, always something there. Plus, most importantly, it doesn't matter how you feel. Your feelings are not a reflection of reality. You can write even if you feel like you can't, you just have to show up and do it. It might be crap! That doesn't matter, the fact that you showed up is what matters. The next day you show up again and again the following day. Before you know it, you will be in the flow, following the thread, gripped by your story, loving the process.
You can feel however you feel, that isn't what matters. The important thing is to show up. When you show up and write anyway, even if you just grind out a clunky, ugly, pointless paragraph, you are sending a message to your whole being that writing is what matters to you. When you keep taking action towards what you love, everything else comes into alignment with that.
What if that ugly self doubt creeps in? It’s hard—for me at least—to get past the “what if I’m not good enough” and give myself and my dreams a chance.
Every single one of us walks through life with those limiting
beliefs about ourselves. They're not going to go anywhere, we've got them as
pals for the whole journey! The trick is to take action anyway and let those
thoughts and feelings be there. They are the voice of your limited self, your
wounded child and exist to keep you in the safety of what you know. It's not
that hard to hear them, say "OK, I hear you, I'm not good enough, but I'm
going to keep doing this thing anyway because what I would love is to share
this story with the world." Trying to 'deal with' or get rid of those
cricial inner voices is a pointless waste of time and just gives them more
power. Allowing them to be there, wittering away but not acting on them, gives
you the space and freedom to take action on what you would love, to sit down
and write anyway, to create a vision of what you would truly love to create in
the world. Eventually, if you keep taking action towards what you would love,
those voices quieten down because you are giving the power of your
consciousness to what truly matters to you and you end up in a life that
includes more and more of what you love. Even the inner critic shuts up
momentarily when you're living your dream!Is it really possible to achieve our dreams in a relationship?
Yes, as long as you are prepared to get out of your own way! We're all addicted to our stories about our relationships and our partners. We get an emotional hit off our angst that can be hard to let go of. But if you know what you would love to have in a relationship and are prepared to act on that no matter what the voices of your limited self have to say, you can create the relationship you dream of. It's all a matter of what you make important in your life: resolving the tension of your limiting beliefs or taking action in favour of what you would love.
I noticed on your blog that you have The Challenge. Would you fill us in on that?
The 120 Day Do What You Love Challenge is an opportunity to discover what you're really capable of, to take action towards what you would love every single day for 120 days, no matter what. It's free to join and we have an amazing, creative, supportive closed Facebook group where people can share what they're learning about themselves as well as they're creations. You choose one thing that you love and commit to doing it every single day for 120 days. So people are painting, drawing, dancing, doing written guidance, daydreaming (!), writing, singing, meditating and lots more for a period of time each day.
It's a truly transformational process and of course the main challenge is within! Everyone taking the challenge runs into those critical inner voices and their limiting beliefs. What you discover as you go through the challenge is that those voices don't matter, that having a bad day doesn't matter, that your feelings about whether what you produce is good or bad don't matter. It's incredibly liberating, rewarding and magical.
You wrote the book The Relationship Revelation. Please tell us about it.
The book has a very simple, empowering premise: It's All You - everything in your relationship reality is created by you, mostly unconsciously. The book is a guide to getting out of your own way, discovering what you would truly love in a relationship and taking the obvious action towards that. It includes intuitive processes and online audio to guide the reader on their journey. There's so much nonsense out there about how you have to be to be in a relationship, I wanted to write something straightforward, fun to read, easy to understand and simple to apply. I know what it's like to have dismal relationship reality and I also know the joy of being in a relationship that is absolutely in line with my truth. I'm a big fan of love and the delights that it has to offer and sharing information that empowers people to create that for themselves is a passion of mine.
Is it really possible to find that dream of happiness and satisfaction in our relationship?
Yes. You have to be prepared to get really clear about what you truly want (not what you think you might want) and to take some time and energy to discover your limiting patterns and beliefs. It's always just a matter of taking the power out of those limiting beliefs, refocusing on what you would love and taking action towards that. Every moment of life is an opportunity to refocus on what you would love. You always have a choice about whether you resolve the tension of your limiting beliefs or whether you take action towards what you would love. Once path leads to relationship misery, the other leads to bliss. You choose!
What if I’ve been married for years and it’s hard to find time to reignite that flame we once had with children and life’s demands pulling us in different directions? How can we get that passion back?
Passion never goes away. If you had it at the beginning, it's still there, but
now it's masked by years of listening to the voice of the limited self,
by a sackload of petty hurts and wounds, by habitual patterns of relating
to your partner that don't serve you. If it's all you, then you are the creator
of your relationship. That means that the power is in your hands, you can
create bliss, love, passion, deep connection, wild sex, whatever lights your
fire, IF you are willing to let go of the patterns, the stories, the addictions
and the habits. That can be hard for some people. Strange as it might seem,
they don't want to let go of their pain, their loneliness, their passionless
reality because beyond that is something unknown, mysterious and beautiful. We
humans like to stick with what we know, even if it hurts!
To get the passion back, you need to redefine yourself, your partner and the relationship. If you listen to what you tell others about yourself, your partner and the relationship, you will hear the subtext of your stories, your limiting assumptions about how it is. Once you can see those, you are free to begin imagining what you would love. Go back to the beginning of the relationship, what did you love about your partner, what really got your heart singing, what was it that kept you coming back for more? It's a good starting place. Then you take action towards creating that and be aware that those limiting voices will rise up to try and keep you in whatever paradigm you have become comfortable. Like I've previously stated though, let them blah their blah and keep taking those actions.
How about if I’m single? Lost love and am struggling to overcome insecurities so I can experience love again. How can I believe a passionate relationship will be a part of my life again?
The great thing about a premise is that you don't need to believe it. You don't need to believe something is possible to create it! You just act as though it was true, play with it and go through the same process I have described above. It boils down to pretty simple steps: know your limiting patterns and beliefs, let them be there, know what you would love to create, take action towards that!
To get the passion back, you need to redefine yourself, your partner and the relationship. If you listen to what you tell others about yourself, your partner and the relationship, you will hear the subtext of your stories, your limiting assumptions about how it is. Once you can see those, you are free to begin imagining what you would love. Go back to the beginning of the relationship, what did you love about your partner, what really got your heart singing, what was it that kept you coming back for more? It's a good starting place. Then you take action towards creating that and be aware that those limiting voices will rise up to try and keep you in whatever paradigm you have become comfortable. Like I've previously stated though, let them blah their blah and keep taking those actions.
How about if I’m single? Lost love and am struggling to overcome insecurities so I can experience love again. How can I believe a passionate relationship will be a part of my life again?
The great thing about a premise is that you don't need to believe it. You don't need to believe something is possible to create it! You just act as though it was true, play with it and go through the same process I have described above. It boils down to pretty simple steps: know your limiting patterns and beliefs, let them be there, know what you would love to create, take action towards that!
The Relationship Revelation sounds like a Must Read! Is there anything you’d like to add for
our readers?It's all you! Take action towards what you would love.
Thank you so much, Pollyanna, for being with me today at the CB!
Pollyanna has agreed to answer any questions you may have. Leave her a note. You'll be entered in the giveaway to win a free copy of The Relationship Revelation!
Get your own copy of The Relationship Revelation here! http://www.pollyannadarling.com/relationshiprevelation.html
Be sure to check out her sites and connect with her on her social networks. They’re packed with even more information! You can find Pollyanna at her Blogs:
- The Relationship Revelation http://TheRelationshipRevelation.wordpress.com where you can read all about the book, introduction, stockists, publication details etc.
- The Love Room http://theloveroom.wordpress.com - extraordinary relationship advice, come on in, ask a question and I’ll answer it!
- Darlingwords http://darlingwords.wordpress.com - my place to play: hints and tips on creating an amazing life, poetry, movie reviews and lots more.
You can also find her on:
- Facebook: http://facebook.com/TheRelationshipRevelation - giveaways, relationship advice, news and a bit of fun!
- Pollyanna’s website: www.pollyannadarling.com
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Win A Copy Of The Relationship Revelation! Leave a comment for a chance to win!
I'm getting feedback that some people aren't able to post a comment or question for Pollyanna. If Blogger doesn't allow you to do this, you may send your request to CharleneAWilson@live.com and I'll see to it she gets your message. I’ll post the question and her answer and you’ll be entered in the drawing to win a copy of The Relationship Revelation.
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
Charlene
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